Choosing Holiday Grace Over Perfection
Perfection shows up in sneaky holiday ways.
The perfectly timed meal.
The perfectly decorated house.
The perfectly blended families.
The perfectly behaved children.
The perfectly balanced schedule.
But here’s the truth every MIL and DIL quietly knows:
Perfection isn’t the point. Connection is.
When you choose grace — toward yourself, your DIL and the season itself — you unlock a calmer, kinder holiday experience that everyone can feel.
Let Go of the Script
Every family brings a different holiday script: how things “should” go, what makes it feel festive, what must happen to have that Christmas magic.
But your DIL may be learning or creating a new script — one that blends her traditions with yours.
Offering grace sounds like:
“Let’s do what works this year. I’m open.”
This simple flexibility can dissolve so much tension.
Release Control of the Little Things
If she sets the table differently …
If she cooks something her way …
If the schedule changes …
If the kids’ outfits aren’t what you imagined …
Try giving space instead of suggestions.
Letting her lead communicates deep respect and strengthens trust far more than perfection ever could.
Choose Curiosity Over Critique
If something surprises you, instead of correcting or instructing, try:
“I’d love to hear how you usually do this.”
This keeps the tone warm and collaborative, not critical.
Look for What’s Going Right
Holiday stress can make small irritations feel big. Counterbalance that by naming the good:
“I love the atmosphere you’ve created.”
“Dinner was delicious, thank you for hosting.”
“You put so much thought into this — I see it.”
Encouragement calms the room and fills emotional space with warmth.
Give Grace to Yourself, Too
It’s okay if you feel emotional, left out at times or unsure how to navigate the new version of the holiday. Your feelings matter.
Just remember:
Grace is a two-way gift.
Offering it doesn’t erase your needs — it simply opens the door to deeper connection.
The takeaway:
Perfection is brittle.
Grace is flexible.
And during the holidays, flexibility is what keeps families connected, compassionate and close.
