Holiday Expectations: Keeping Communication Clear and Kind
Expectations are one of the biggest stress points for MILs and DILs during the holidays.
Where will we celebrate?
How long will we stay?
What traditions must continue?
What new ones matter?
So much of the tension doesn’t come from the plans themselves — but from unspoken assumptions on both sides. The good news? Clear, warm communication can prevent 90% of these misunderstandings.
Start the Conversation Early
Reach out with something simple and low-pressure:
“I’d love to start thinking about holiday plans. What works for you both this year?”
This tells your DIL you value her time, her needs and her voice in the scheduling.
Be Flexible Where You Can
The holiday season involves multiple families, obligations, work schedules and personal needs.
If she suggests a different day, time or tradition, try to respond with openness:
“That can work! Let’s make it special whenever we’re together.”
Flexibility communicates love.
Avoid Emotional Pressure
Comments like “We always do it this way” or “It won’t feel like Christmas without you” can unintentionally create guilt.
Instead, try:
“We’d love to have you, and we’ll enjoy whatever time works for your family.”
It’s warm, welcoming, and boundary-respecting.
Name Your Needs Without Demands
It’s okay to share what matters to you — as long as it’s framed gently and with kindness.
“It would mean a lot to me to see you sometime over the holiday weekend. Let’s figure out what works best for everyone.”
This keeps the discussion collaborative, not competitive.
End With Encouragement
Let her know you appreciate the effort she puts into balancing everything.
“I know the holidays can be a lot. Thank you for working with us to make this special.”
It softens the whole conversation.
The takeaway:
Clear, kind communication doesn’t just avoid conflict — it creates connection.
When expectations are spoken, shared and flexible, the holiday season becomes less about stress … and more about joy.
